Can i not drive my cunt home
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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