It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
