Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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