Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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