Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
