If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
