my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
