She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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