I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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