Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
