Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
