Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
