i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
