Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
