there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
