Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
