You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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