I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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