he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
