I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
