I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So vagazzling was a success
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