Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
