So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You ate ashes out of my bong
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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