How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As shirtless as possible
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
