shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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