based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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