In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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