idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
