I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
