she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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