vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
either way he was missing a nipple.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
