A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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