my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
