I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
