i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
