I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
