there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
