i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
