she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
