The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
