she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
