I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
