First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
