he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
