im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
