I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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