there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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