I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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