Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
