Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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