I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
