dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
