pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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